HOW many women does it take to turn on the stove?
Five, apparently. It is our first morning waking up on a sparkling white boat in southern France.
Our tummies are rumbling and operating the tiny cooker proves a bit of a challenge.
Once we finally settle down for breakfast in the morning sun, we realise there are a few things we will have to get to grips with before we can set off on the Canal du Midi.
Le Boat has a fleet of craft to hire on rivers as far apart as France, Scotland and Canada.
The firm’s largest is the Horizon 5. Sleeping up to a dozen, it is spacious for five of us.
Think of it like a luxury motorhome on water: Neatly arranged en-suite cabins, self-catered and you can park it almost anywhere.
The best part is the comfy sundeck, where you can admire the view and soak up rays as you sail along the calm waters of the South of France.
I never imagined I would be trusted with ropes and knots. But after a quick tutorial from Le Boat’s Patrice, I am giving it a go.
To my surprise, within a couple of hours it is all smooth sailing, albeit with a bump here and there under low bridges.
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Quick learners? Or perhaps this is not nearly as hard as I thought. We set off from our Le Boat base in the village of Homps.
The Canal du Midi, a Unesco World Heritage site, is a network of canals running from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean, built way back in the 1600s.
We reach the 18th-century Chateau de Paraza, run by the Danglas family for the past 16 years.
Between tending the vines, they host holidaymakers with a taste for grandeur.
While sampling a tipple, we learn some boaters are so entranced on arrival they spend the night to make the most of the antique-filled rooms and stunning views of the Pyrenees mountains.
If you can tear yourself away, cruise along no more than an hour and you reach the tiny hamlet of Le Somail.
The village thrives on a handful of al fresco restaurants along the canal, open over the summer for tourists.
We devour local dishes on the terrace of Le Comptoir Nature, as friendly geese cluck around the banks and the sun sets behind the stone arch bridge. A two-course meal with coffee comes in at just £14.
Breakfast next morning comprises fresh croissants, slathered in jam, bought from the charming “bakery on a boat” La Peniche Épiciere.
Le Somail is home to one of Europe’s most famous antique bookshops, Le Trouve Tout du Livre, “the place to find all the books” — an apt name, with more than 50,000 to browse, including many rarities.
Think of it like a luxury motorhome on water: Neatly arranged en-suite cabins, self-catered and you can park it almost anywhere.
Keen to explore at a less sedate pace than our swish boat, we clamber aboard electric scooters to whizz along the canal path to L’Oulibo, a traditional olive oil cooperative.
The Languedoc lucques olives are plump green treats, meaty and sweet. We graze the gift shop, stocking up on fresh olives and oils to enjoy on board.
There was plenty of time between stopping off at chateaux and sleepy villages to take in the gorgeous greenery while cruising the canal.
Fields dotted with wildflowers, poppies and sunflowers stretch either side of the canal, broken up by vineyards and quaint cottages with painted shutters.
The plane trees lining the towpaths were recently found to have Canker disease, but a replanting programme is underway to keep this beautiful landscape thriving.
Keen for a change of scenery, we dock at Carcassonne, a fortified medieval settlement full of character — which has given its name to a popular city-building boardgame.
The citadel, with its 53 turrets and 3km of walls, is topped off by a storied fairytale castle boasting stunning views.
There are more than 30 wine cellars within 20 minutes, our tour guide tells us.
At this point, we are already looking forward to uncorking the bottle of red from Chateau de Paraza to toast our sensational cruise down the Canal du Midi.
GO: CANAL DU MIDI
GETTING THERE: Return flights from Heathrow to Toulouse with British Airways cost from £82pp. See ba.com. Ryanair has direct flights from Bristol and Edinburgh.
SAILING THERE: Le Boat’s seven-night trip is from £789 in total or £158pp. The five-bed Horizon 5 is from £3,139 in total or £262pp. See leboat.co.uk/boat-sales.
OUT & ABOUT: Tour and wine tasting is from £4.25pp (chateau-de-paraza.com/en). Olive tree tour is from £5 (loulibo.com). Tour of Carcassonne is from £10 (tourisme-carcassonne.fr).
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